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How To Know When You Can Trust A Guy With A Beard

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Figured this was appropriate considering we're primarily a How-To site.

 

Anyhow, when you meet someone with a beard it's often hard to know whether they are trustworthy. I mean, seriously if the beard covers a good portion of their face even the "Lie To Me" deception experts wouldn't be able to tell what's on their mind. So, this chart should help dissipate the confusion and doubt.

 

disclaimer: be sure to read the fine print

 

Click the picture to enlarge it.

slPDjl.jpg

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I'm quite glad to see that I am in the "Very Trustworthy" category since I sport a brown salt-n-pepper Goatee + Mustache combo.

 

The "Pencil Thin Mustache" (rated "Disastrous") ala creepy film director "John Waters" has ALWAYS conjured up for me an image of a scuzzy pervert type of individual (like John Waters himself!).

 

musty.jpg

 

I remember John Waters doing an appearance on the Late Night With David Letterman show from many years ago, and while Dave was interviewing John, John kept petitioning Dave to "just touch my mustache" :shock: following Dave's inquiry as to if it were drawn on with either a felt tip marker or via makeup.

 

Dave politely turned John down.

 

I wouldn't blame him ... who knows where that upper lip has been previously. :shock: Heh heh heh.

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I'm quite glad to see that I am in the "Very Trustworthy" category since I sport a brown salt-n-pepper Goatee + Mustache combo.

 

The "Pencil Thin Mustache" (rated "Disastrous") ala creepy film director "John Waters" has ALWAYS conjured up for me an image of a scuzzy pervert type of individual (like John Waters himself!).

 

musty.jpg

 

I remember John Waters doing an appearance on the Late Night With David Letterman show from many years ago, and while Dave was interviewing John, John kept petitioning Dave to "just touch my mustache" :shock: following Dave's inquiry as to if it were drawn on with either a felt tip marker or via makeup.

 

Dave politely turned John down.

 

I wouldn't blame him ... who knows where that upper lip has been previously. :shock: Heh heh heh.

 

lol - nice

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shockersh ...

 

You just gotta imagine John Waters in this pic beckoning the viewer to "Just touch it. Just touch it ... c'mon, just touch my mustache. Touch it, but only once. You know you want to. Touch it." :shock::shock:

 

:mrgreen:

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And as a follow up here in the "Disasterous" category of said facial hair offenders, is none other than the man himself, Mr. Joe "get-out-there-and-earn-me-some-greenbacks-Jackson-Five-I-beat-the-crap-out-of-all-of-my-progeny" Jackson:

 

alg_joe-jackson.jpg

 

Scary eyeliner 'stache. :shock:

Edited by Guest

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Haha nice trollcrusher!

 

Although I must admit, it is tempting to touch it -but at the same time extremely awkward and I'd rather not. Yeah, it's pretty creepy. On a side-note Joe's matches his eyebrows perfectly, that is just weird.

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grooveDexter ...

 

Yeah, I could have seen John badgering Dave just enough to break down and sheepishly give in to touching John's 'stache for the sake of being a gracious host, only then for John Waters to literally INHALE Dave's finger into his mouth like a baby sucking on a mother's teat. And by no means, not letting Dave's finger go. Nada.

 

Sort of a pseudo-digit-fellatio type of scenario in the extreme. Dave flailing about behind the desk trying to pry his finger loose from John's oral vacuum all the while as John is tossed to and fro, flopping around like a fish that has a hook snagged in its mouth. :shock:

 

I think Dave would have had a meltdown afterwards. Then imagine a cut to a shot of John Waters, looking battered and bruised, but with a radiant "afterglow" look of contentment on his face.

 

However, I do think that the band leader, Paul Schaffer would have secretly longed to have traded places with Dave. :mrgreen:

 

paul-shaffer.jpg

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Oh, almost forgot ...

 

Who could forget another pencil thin lip 'stache worn by none other than by Little Richard himself:

 

lecg130106a_010.jpg

 

Appears that he may have borrowed it from Jackson 5 patriarch, Joe Jackson. :wink:

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And as a follow up here in the "Disasterous" category of said facial hair offenders, is none other than the man himself, Mr. Joe "get-out-there-and-earn-me-some-greenbacks-Jackson-Five-I-beat-the-crap-out-of-all-of-my-progeny" Jackson:

 

alg_joe-jackson.jpg

 

Scary eyeliner 'stache. :shock:

 

Nice black marker Joe.....

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grooveDexter ...

 

Yeah, I could have seen John badgering Dave just enough to break down and sheepishly give in to touching John's 'stache for the sake of being a gracious host, only then for John Waters to literally INHALE Dave's finger into his mouth like a baby sucking on a mother's teat. And by no means, not letting Dave's finger go. Nada.

 

Sort of a pseudo-digit-fellatio type of scenario in the extreme. Dave flailing about behind the desk trying to pry his finger loose from John's oral vacuum all the while as John is tossed to and fro, flopping around like a fish that has a hook snagged in its mouth. :shock:

 

I think Dave would have had a meltdown afterwards. Then imagine a cut to a shot of John Waters, looking battered and bruised, but with a radiant "afterglow" look of contentment on his face.

 

However, I do think that the band leader, Paul Schaffer would have secretly longed to have traded places with Dave. :mrgreen:

 

paul-shaffer.jpg

 

Mr Clean??? Is that you!

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Haha nice trollcrusher!

 

Although I must admit, it is tempting to touch it -but at the same time extremely awkward and I'd rather not. Yeah, it's pretty creepy. On a side-note Joe's matches his eyebrows perfectly, that is just weird.

 

Ok now your freakin me out... I personally have no desire to "touch"....

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No ... "No touchy!" / "Не обидчивый!"

 

The Soviet hinterland's version of the iconic "Mr. Clean" tended to be not so concerned with cleaning up your kitchen messes, per se, but pummeling said messes into borscht and then injecting it into each of his ever expanding biceps that curiously began to mimic the shape and texture of his shaven pate. :shock:

 

DisplayImage.aspx?id=dd790358-ebdf-4601-9329-dffd80ea31bc&t=m

 

CAPTION THIS PIC:

"Oh how Ivan secretly longed to transform himself into the hero of his youth, not Lenin, nor Stalin, nor even "Sweatin' To The Oldies" excercise guru Richard Simmons, but ... POPEYE!" :mrgreen:

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MrGroove wrote:

 

"Mr Clean??? Is that you!"

 

Noooooo. But this Mr./Ms. Clean *might* suffice:

 

cdd56312fc.jpg

 

Figured that the craziest thing I could come up with would be a spin-off of Mr. Clean, albeit Britney Spears' meltdown version, complete with (in maintaining the theme of this thread) a John Waters / Joe Jackson / Little Richard "you-know-you-just-wanna-reach-out-and-touch-it" kinda 'stache (added by moi). :mrgreen:

 

Sort of a visual overload. Heh.

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